


just give me mercy ('cause i keep hurting, hurting)

by hearden



Series: addicted but trying to quit [3]
Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/F, F/M, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:36:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14168040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearden/pseuds/hearden
Summary: During the winter holidays, Kat lets herself fall apart around the other Rangers.(aka the third part to "jesus christ can kat hillard pls catch a break" and the answer is "absolutely not")





	just give me mercy ('cause i keep hurting, hurting)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bargalaxies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bargalaxies/gifts).



> well this is a Continuing Thing now
> 
>  **specific warnings:** the tags of course and also mentions of depression and unhealthy coping methods

Nothing truly changes when winter break starts. Kim takes her finals the week after the rest of them do and then, the weekend right after, flies off with her parents to England for a week to spend some time with her relatives for the holidays. Kat hadn't _expected_ anything to change, but she's a little disappointed that someone hadn't shouted "Cut!" so that the tension could drop off of her shoulders.

Angel Grove is a little quieter without Kim around. Maybe it's because they aren't in school, but Kat doesn't think that's it. Something about Kim physically not being in the city takes the shine out of it for Kat, as much as she doesn't want to admit it.

"It's 'cause you're still in love with her," Tommy says over a glass of water.

Maybe it's because she's taken to hanging out with _Tommy Oliver_ of all people.

Kat presses her face into her glass, the rim digging into the bridge of her nose and the sharp scent of whiskey not waking her up from the slump she's perpetually been in since the beginning of December. "Shut up," she mutters.

Maybe it's the drinking.

She had only gone to Rudy's once, and after Trini had just _somehow_ found her, Kat had decided that it was probably better to not be blatantly breaking the law while she was still in Angel Grove and her parents -- while highly unlikely -- could just walk in on her being a delinquent. Therefore, Kat drives over to Stone Canyon whenever she wants to flash her fake ID.

The problem: she doesn't have a car. (She needs to desperately get one.)

The solution: Tommy Oliver has a motorcycle. (She could also settle for getting one of those, instead.)

The Rangers have this weird thing about knocking on each other's windows -- it had been really, _really_ unsettling to see six-foot-tall Billy just crouching outside of her window, on top of the garage, that one night he came over to study with her for English. Kat had almost screamed and alerted her parents to the fact that a boy was in her room, but her pillow had saved her in time.

Instead, Kat knocks on the Olivers' front door. It's a Saturday morning, Kim's Snap story -- not that Kat _watched_ that, although Snapchat would always betray her and show that she had viewed every single one of Kim's stories to look at -- had just updated to show that she was getting on the plane for England, and Tommy answers, bleary-eyed and yawning. He looks a little confused to see her there as if he hasn't actually answered the front door in months.

"Um, hello…?" Tommy squints at her, "What're you doing here, Kat?"

"I need a ride," she sighs, direct and to the point.

"O...kay?" He yawns into his hand again, "Do you know what time it is?"

"Yes. Early."

"Alright, uh, where d'you wanna go?"

"Stone Canyon."

Tommy makes a face and frowns at her, "Sheesh, that's, like, an hour away…"

"I'll pay you for gas and buy you breakfast. And lunch if we stay that long."

He immediately straightens up, "Yeah, okay, sure, lemme just… go get my jacket. And you need a helmet, too."

 

-

 

Tommy has a GPS mounted on his motorcycle and holds it out to Kat, "Here, put in the address or whatever." She types in the address of a bar she'd looked up on Yelp that seems relatively okay enough and hands it back to him. Tommy looks at the screen then back at her, "Kat, this is a bar."

"I know," she says, crossing her arms.

"Do you wanna… talk about it? Is everything okay?" he asks, a little uncertainly.

"Am I paying for your gas or for you to talk?" Kat snaps then sighs and runs a hand over her face when Tommy flinches, hurt in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

The look he gives her is of pure sympathy, and it makes her feel unclean. "It's alright," he reattaches the GPS to his motorcycle, "No hard feelings."

Kat gets on the motorcycle behind him and puts the helmet he'd given her on, her heart twisting when she recognizes the very, very faint scent of Kim's perfume. Drawing in a sharp breath, she leans forward, resting her head against Tommy's back, shutting her eyes and counting to ten in her head.

_Kim had sat here, Kim had worn this helmet, Kim had--_

"You okay?" Tommy asks, his voice muffled behind his helmet.

Kat sighs and nods, tapping his side, "Yeah, just go."

 

-

 

It becomes their routine over the next couple of days, Kat showing up at Tommy's door and him driving her over to Stone Canyon to wallow in her sorrows. Sometimes, she actually drinks -- never enough to get _really_ drunk because that would mean drunk-dialling Kim and crying over the phone -- and, sometimes, she just has water or a club soda. Tommy never touches alcohol, and she respects that. He also never mentions that, even though she's legal in Australia, she's not legal _here,_ and Kat respects that, too.

Sometimes, after Kat has a drink or two, they go and eat at an IHOP down the street. Because it's winter break and because they're always going at the same time, give or take an hour, Kat and Tommy always get served by the same waiter, a boy with cropped, black hair that sticks up slightly in the front in an adorably cute way and a bright smile, who introduces himself as Rocky. Kat pays every time because she can afford to and also because that'd been part of her deal with Tommy, even though by the second day they go to Stone Canyon, he's already forgotten his compensation and is just doing it out of the kindness of his heart. The fact alone makes Kat think twice about falling apart in front of Tommy because, if he's so kind to be respectfully enabling her like this, then _maybe_ she shouldn't be doing it.

But, then, she remembers and doesn't care.

By Monday, Rocky asks them if they're dating, and Kat politely says no while Tommy just awkwardly mumbles an incoherent answer into his blueberry waffles.

 

-

 

Trini taps on Kat's window later on Tuesday afternoon, startling Kat into embarrassingly dropping the hairbrush she'd been using as a microphone. Hastily, Kat slides her window open and lets Trini in, not making a move to pick her hairbrush up.

"Were you… pretending to sing?" Trini asks, raising her eyebrows.

"Maybe you guys should use the front door, sometimes," Kat counters, ignoring the question.

"Yeah, that's not happening. What're you doing right now?"

Kat stares at her, "Clearly… nothing."

"You wanna learn some self-defense?"

Kat blinks, "Do I wanna learn… what?"

Trini backtracks, shoving her hands into her pockets, "I was thinking about that day at Starbucks. That monster was getting revenge for what happened to Tommy, and I mean, Rita's mad that she tried to use him against us and it didn't work, so…"

Kat nods, understanding, "You think I might be a target."

"I don't _think_ you might be a target," Trini amends, "More like you already _are._ Rita knows who we are, which means she knows about our families and our friends."

"Uh," Kat purses her lips, "Do you think you teaching me self-defense is the best idea? Aren't you, like, super strong?"

Trini's blank expression doesn't change, "Yes. But _I_ have the most self-control."

"Says who?"

"Says me," Trini scoffs, "Jason broke his sink when he first became a Ranger, and Kim went through four phones and two laptops in our first month."

"That explains… a lot," Kat mutters, "What about you? What'd you break?"

Trini smiles, a little smugly, "Nothing."

 

-

 

Still wringing the water out of her shirt, Kat is led further into the ship and into something that Trini ominously calls The Pit. It's… well, it's a pit. She doesn't know what else she'd expected.

"We do most of our training in here," Trini explains, shrugging her jacket off and draping it over a rock, "Holograms and simulations, things like that."

"Why couldn't you have taken me, like, to the gym?" Kat asks, "I mean, that wasn't meant to sound ungrateful. But, I'm just curious."

"Well, the gym doesn't have an android who can handle it if an accident were to happen while I'm sparring with you," Trini says, which makes Kat frown in worry.

"I thought you said you have the most self-control," she says, pouting a little.

"I do. But better to be safe than sorry, right?"

"… Sure."

 

-

 

Trini kicks her ass. Several times.

Kat's athletic, of course. She had done swimming and diving for years and even dabbled in a bit of dance when she was younger, but gotten into a fight? God, never. The idea of fighting someone had used to seem so uncomfortable to her because why punch someone when she could talk it out with them?

With every passing day since moving to Angel Grove, Kat was slightly considering changing that outlook.

Trini catches her off-guard and yanks her into a chokehold for the third time, and Kat taps out for the third time, groaning loudly.

"I'm just gonna die if something ever happens to me," she complains, flopping on the ground.

"First of all," Trini says, having hardly broken a sweat, "That's not true. You wouldn't die. You're always with one of us, so we'd save your ass."

"Oh, like that's _so_ much better," Kat mutters, "I _love_ being the damsel in distress."

"Be a hero, then," Trini offers her a hand up.

Kat stumbles to her feet and rolls her eyes, "Like it's that easy."

"Yeah," Trini shrugs, "It's that easy."

 

-

 

She adds training with the Rangers to her daily winter break routine. In the morning, she'll go over to Stone Canyon with Tommy, and in the afternoons, she'll learn how to fight from one or more of the Rangers. Trini gets the boys in on it, and Kat has a sneaking suspicion that it's Trini's way of making sure that she doesn't go off herself because of the shit that's been happening with Kim. She's about ninety-seven percent sure that she's right about that, but she doesn't bring it up to Trini.

Jason lets her win a lot, so she doesn't spar with him too much. She can _never_ win against Trini, so she doesn't spar with her too much, either, mostly out of wounded pride and frustration. Billy and Zack are always hits or misses, and Kat's wins against either of them are fairly equal to her losses, but nothing really clicks for her.

Tommy is a straight-up martial artist -- not just dabbling like Jason and Trini -- but Kat finds that, with him, the fighting feels real. Maybe it's the fact that they've bonded over the past couple of days in bitter, resentful silence, the only sounds between them being the clink of their glasses or their forks hitting warm plates. Maybe it's that she's still in love with Kim and he is, too.

One afternoon, when the others are just chilling, watching her and Tommy spar and shouting out feedback like her leaving her left side wide open _right_ before Tommy goes for it, Kat misses every hit she tries to land and can't dodge any move that Tommy makes towards her.

Tommy grabs her arm as she lunges for him and flips her over his shoulder, her back hitting the ground with a _thud._ Kat groans, scowling a hole into the ceiling. Tommy peers down at her. "Sorry," he shrugs, apologetically, "Maybe you should start laying off the whiskey."

It's an innocent comment, but the other Rangers are still _very much_ in The Pit.

"Are you _still_ drinking?" Trini demands, standing up from where she's sitting.

"Oh, shit," Tommy says and tries his best to shrink into the background.

Kat sits up and apathetically runs a hand through her curls, "Stay out of my business."

"What's she mean _still_ drinking?" Zack asks.

"Nothing," Kat mutters, getting to her feet. She's taller than Trini, definitely, but when Trini stands toe to toe with her, they're still in different positions of power.

"This isn't how you get better," Trini says, sharply.

"I'm aware of that, obviously." She so doesn't want to deal with this today.

Trini frowns and says in a low voice so the others can't hear, even though Kat's sure they all can hear with their superhuman senses or whatever, "She doesn't deserve the satisfaction of seeing you like this."

Kat scoffs and shakes her head, "You think she would care? Kim doesn't care about anyone except herself." Even as she says it, she knows it isn't true. Somehow, Kim still cares about the others because, the way Billy had explained it to her and the way she understands it, they wouldn't still have their powers otherwise. It's just that Kim doesn't care about _her._

"She cares," Trini argues, quietly, "It's just…"

"Well, she's got a shitty way of showing it." Kat huffs and turns to go, feeling slightly more confident in her storming away when Tommy's footsteps follow her, just for the fact that she can't exactly leave the cavern without a Ranger's help.

 

-

 

That night, Kat walks over to Trini's house. They live only about a thirty-minute walk from each other, so it's not too bad of a thing to do while she's drunk off of her ass. There's worse things she could be doing. Obviously.

The lights in Trini's house are off, so Kat can only assume that everyone's asleep, which makes sense. Which also means she _can't_ knock on the front door, so… The window, it is.

Kat pinpoints which window is Trini's -- easy enough, it's the one with the tiger in the windowpane -- and mentally plans out how she's going to get up there. Trini's window is the only one on the second floor that's visible from the front of the house. However, there's no garage, so Kat can't try to climb the garage first and then get to the window… Her only mode of access is the porch, and her arms _definitely_ aren't long enough for her to just jump and reach the edge of the roof to hoist herself up.

She glances at the SUV parked in the driveway and _briefly_ considers the idea.

But then thinks better of it.

She texts Trini.

_um how do i get into your window asking for a friend_

Kat waits a moment, and then Trini's window swings open and she peers out. Her phone is in her hands, and she seems to be talking to someone. Trini waves her free hand at Kat in a "go away" motion. Kat shakes her head and points for Trini to come down or let her come up.

One of those clearly is harder than the other, so Trini holds up a finger, disappears, then reappears a few seconds later and steps out onto her roof, dressed in her pajamas and sneakers. Trini hops down onto her driveway, landing as quietly as a cat.

Kat opens her mouth to greet her, but Trini, once again, holds up a finger and keeps speaking to whoever she's talking to on the other side of the line.

"You did this, and I expect nothing less from you than a _sincere_ and _genuine_ apology," Trini hisses, keeping her voice low.

Kat's eyes widen. "Is that _Kim?_ " she whispers.

Trini doesn't answer her but looks right in her eyes as she says into her phone, "You can grovel if you want, I'm sure that'd help your case." Ouch. Kim says something that has Trini rolling her eyes and frowning, "Dude, do I look like I care? You broke her fucking heart, and she's out here wrecking herself because of you--"

"No, I'm not--" Kat protests, but Trini shuts her up with a stern look.

"And I want you to _own_ up to it," Trini continues, "And I mean _own,_ not just pull some bullshit apology out of your ass and call it a day. You fucked up beyond fucking up." Trini takes on a snide tone, "If you're not okay with those terms and conditions, then you can go ahead and give your damn coin back. I'm sure Zordon will agree with me that that'd be for the best." She pauses. "Alright, good talk."

When Trini hangs up, Kat sighs and looks at the ground, "How much did you tell her?"

"Everything," Trini says, simply.

"Wow, okay, you didn't need to do that--"

"Yes, I _did,_ " Trini interjects, "I honestly don't mind that I gave her this to chew on for the rest of the week while she's in England. She needs to be thinking about this shit that she's gone and done. You weren't… you weren't there for it, but we _all_ changed when we became Rangers. We went through shit together, and to find out that Kim was still the same old her on the down-low the whole time, it makes it seem like all that stuff we went through was useless. And that? That…" Trini closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, "It hurts."

Kat doesn't know, but she feels like she can at the very least imagine a fraction of what that feels like. "Would you really kick her off of the team?" she asks, quietly.

Trini snorts, but she doesn't pause to think it over, "No, not really, not unless her powers started failing or something and she became, you know, not worthy anymore. But, just the way things are now, no, I wouldn't." Trini runs a hand through her hair, mussing it up, "She's gonna try to apologize to you when she gets back, you know, especially after what I told her tonight."

"Yeah."

"You don't have to forgive her."

"I know," Kat scoffs, "I don't plan to."

"You don't have to forgive her ever."

"I know that, too."

Trini sighs then glances down the street, "You want me to walk you home? Or, uh, you can crash in my room. I've got a sleeping bag, I can just chill on the floor."

Kat pulls at the hem of her t-shirt, "Can… we share your bed?"

Trini looks a little taken aback, but she doesn't let herself appear caught off-guard for too long, "Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. Lemme just… get you upstairs." She steps closer, awkwardly reaching for Kat then thinking better of it and pulling her hands back, "Um."

"You're gonna have to carry me, aren't you?" Kat asks, slightly amused.

"Yeah."

Kat chuckles, "Well, then, sweep me off of my feet, O brave knight."

"Dude, shut the hell up."

 

-

 

"You're an idiot for walking all the way over here in your pajamas," Trini mutters in the dimness of her bedroom. They're laying on their backs, only slightly touching where Kat's elbow pokes Trini in the side and Trini's knee knocks against Kat's thigh.

"I never said I was smart," Kat mumbles. That's completely false, though. She's only been at Angel Grove for a few weeks, but with the grades she'd brought in and what she made on her finals, she's on a good track to potentially be in the top percentage of their graduating class, right next to Billy.

"Plus you reek," Trini complains, "Tomorrow morning, we're gonna go get breakfast. No alcohol included."

"We as in you and me or you, me, and the others or… what?"

"I don't know," Trini says, stifling a yawn with her hand, "Haven't decided yet. Go to sleep. We'll figure it out tomorrow."

"Yeah," Kat murmurs, staring at the ceiling, "Tomorrow."

**Author's Note:**

> title from Mercy / Gatekeeper - Hayley Kiyoko
> 
> i'm so glad I'M the one writing this "kim is a shitty person au" bc if lionsgate had gone and made her characterization in the movie any worse, i think i would've set their studios on fire tbh


End file.
